1. |
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So lay down your love
and lay down for sleep
Because when you wake up
You'll be more free of me
Climb out of bed
Join hands in streets
"The plague is dead,
Long live those piss soaked fucking sheets!"
Because the times they won't stop changing
No matter what fucking face I make
Through lessons learned, I've learned to French-kiss the ground
and to let these ankles break
Don't try to move,
Don't try to speak,
Please, god, don't fucking look at me
I'm just playing possum...
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2. |
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Burglarized
Invaded skin
The body snatchers
Fucking serpentine
Gamy and scratchy
Cheeks caving in
I clicked my red heels
and found Hell again
There's this fucking buzzing in my chest that feels like a wasp's nest
This fucking ringing in my ears that sounds like sirens
My fear feels forty stories tall
and my dread is a fucking mountain
My footing fails in public
I scare strangers and I scare my friends
Because I'm an artist
and I'm a danger
and I'm fucking angry
and I'm small and loud
and I'm a lost cause
and I'm a virus
Misfired engines
Breaker breaking down
So cure me like they do in blockbuster movies
"When Harry Met Sally" me, make me turn out fine
Share me around, take this dirty laundry from me
Protect me from another stupid line
I wrote the same song seven times this week,
the same four chords repeated
I just changed the ways to say "I wanna fucking die."
You'll never get to hear them
I'm too humiliated
Just knowing that they exist makes me feel not mine
Burglarized
Flesh flashing bright
A hammer and sickle
Twelve Miller Lites
Alone again
On a Friday night
Does it sound pathetic?
Did I do it right?
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3. |
Breathe In / Bleed Out
01:07
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4. |
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The worst part is I'm trying
To be better to myself
But my debilitating health
Is fucking standing it's fucking ground
and I'm 25 years old
and there's no one I hate more than me
This teenager's misanthropy
Like a fucking fashion trend
and I keep waiting for your message
Text reads, "I just can't do this
You need to learn to love yourself
Because you're starting to fucking scare me."
The worst part is the breathing
I got to bed every night ashamed
of all the dumb shit that I say,
of all the things that I do to survive
and I hate being me
I try my best to do things right
But when I'm laying in bed at night
I see the phantom nails scratching the bedroom walls
and I keep waiting for your message
That says, "We're not working out,
I've tried my best to be be real patient
But I'm afraid you're gonna hurt yourself
and I just can't keep on watching this
You need to work on your fucking brain."
Hospital scenes in the rain
There's some things they can't wash away
and I keep waiting for your message
That says, "You're fucking kidding me!
You think you're drowning yourself, but you're drowning me
Is this art or are you fucking dying?
And you're always so scared that
You can't even notice me."
I'll drink myself to fucking sleep
So i won't have to hear when you leave
and I keep waiting for your message...
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5. |
The Pits
03:05
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I've visited Hell
Where Maria slept
She was with her husband in a shipping crate
God didn't care and no angels wept
I went to the bottom
of the muddy hills
To the place where hope was all closed off
Where warmth never came and it never will
Late night talks in mind
The radio turned off
We drove silent through the alleys,
Looking for humans glued to the sidewalks
and it's still dark outside
The dogs make me tell
I wept for humanity and screamed from my guts
With a "fuck you" to God for creating this Hell
I visited the nothing
That Maria had
She was strung out, fucking dopesick
Looking for kindness where there was none to be had
and I walked through the valleys
of permeable loss
I met the kindest strangers in the coldest places
Begging for the quarters that comfort costs
and GPS took me
To the place death grows
Like weeds among the yellow grass
Biblical angels couldn't find their clothes
I let the sorrow take me
I know I'm not supposed to
I never told a soul
Maria begged me not to
and he was 65 years old
Weeping on the frozen concrete
He asked why anyone should be kind to him
and I truly believe that it's what he thinks
Because there's a fucked up sense of worth
That he's had placed inside his blue-grey hands
I wish that he knew he deserved kindness
I wish that I could make him understand
But it's not his fault at all
and he couldn't know
30 years in the military
Until they assigned him his new home
and God didn't care for him
and He let him know
So I watched him make his bed with Maria in the falling snow
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6. |
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I bit hard into the pavement
and shattered all 20 remaining teeth
My tongue retreated behind my uvula
To hold back the oncoming scream
and it's a sham, and it's a shame
When they tell you that you don't have to bleed
Because I've been trucking along for a decade
But haven't found anything good to sing
and you saw me at the restaurant
Wiping my runny nose on my sleeve
I ordered apple juice and cried my heart out
When it spilled all around my feet
and it's a shakedown, it's union busting
To get me to conjure up anything
I want isolation more than friendship,
Degradation over anything fucking green
Because I don't wanna make a hit song, I just wanna kill me
and I don't wanna find the right chords, I just wanna die
and I hate it when I talk to you and you tell me you're crazier than me
I'm not competing for "Most Fucked Up Little Guy"
I clicked the chains around the cinder blocks
and I walked into the creek
The reason your mother's fucking afraid of you
and the reason your father drinks
and it's a goal, and it's a moving goal post
and it's a grocery list of needs
It started out with knives and pens
and found it's way beneath the kitchen sink
So please fucking spare me speeches of entitlement
and please spare me artistry
I'm a fucking home invasion, holding everyone hostage
With a shotgun, making you watch me sing
Because it's a movie, and it's a talk show
Life changing decisions before you can blink
My stomach burns and I can't stop crying
I can't stop shaking, i can't fucking think
and I don't wanna think in melodies, I just want the ending
and I don't wanna make something rhyme, I just need you to end me
and I hate it when you hear these words and you think, "This kid's really got it"
This isn't a song, this is a red siren that won't stop flashing
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7. |
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I don't pray for rain anymore
I just nest myself in the creeks taking over the front yard
I've yellowed with age like worthless novel
I've resigned to mountain like holy hollow
But the metal has lodged into the ceiling
and I swell like loose balloons to watch the city sleep
and I wonder what I could say to make you love me
As the blues and greys paint the hallways of my bloodstream
Every passing second is make believe
Every decision made is my own recession
With broken hands I craft a masterpiece from cardboard
With empty stomachs, I watch the dinner guests find the exit
But I'll never know just what it means
To really lose my spot on the fucking floor
and I don't know why I'd ever think
That steady breathing is something I was cut out for
and I don't like to see you cry
But I'm honored you feel safe to confide in me
and it's ok to not be brave
The headlights inside your eyes show for miles unending...
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8. |
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When I woke up
Everyone was dead
Silent as a stab wound
Or loud as throw up in their bed
I arranged their bodies as an audience
and I performed a spoken word piece
Something to make sure that they still noticed me
When I sat down
My ears wouldn't stop bleeding
My knees wouldn't work like they used to,
All well wishes were decieving
Divisive and contrived,
I'd spent my nights on cardboard boxes
Desperate to be right in an ugly world
Why did I end on the one?
I always end on the one,
I should've ended on the four
Why did I end on the one?
You were making me nervous
I should've ended on the four
When I passed out
I was finally happy
No more gnats to gnaw on my skin
No more hands to hurt me
It felt almost like religion,
I'd found a good thing to believe in
I just gotta give it a trendy name
So it can become all the rage
When I stepped out
To smoke my last, last, last, last cigarette
I breathed out deep into the sky,
The night time angry and slow to forget
There were mothballs on the hardwood
and hornets nests to hold my head
My gruesome hadn't grown pity
and my fear grew eight long fucking legs
Why did I end on the one?
I always end on the one,
I should've ended on the four
Why did I end on the one?
You were making me nervous
and my nerves and I all fell to the floor
and everything grew cold and wet
and sat there for hours and hours more
Why did I end on the one?
A single beat too late,
I gotta know when to stop
Why did I fall for the gun?
All my limbs felt like anchors
and met the pool in a belly-flop
and there's something cold,
There's something mean,
There's something just thinking about the top
Why did I end on the one?
I hold on tight,
and I close my eyes
As I'm promised that the end comes for us all
I hold on tight,
and I close my eyes
I ended on the four but in the end I got the wall
//
So lay down your love
and lay down for sleep
Because when you wake up
You'll be more free of me
Climb out of bed
Join hands in streets
"The plague is dead,
Long live those piss soaked fucking sheets!"
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Seethruskin Charleston, West Virginia
☭acoustic emo☭
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