Desolate, Desolate, Desolate / Skate Forever

by Seethruskin

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02:47
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about

i wrote the majority of this record in about a week, during which i was going through some pretty heavy shit.. its easily the most emo record i've ever made.. thanks for listening!

credits

released December 19, 2015

thank you tayler, for being cool and listening to these songs and watching me play them in both of our bedrooms... thanks paul for the hype and the art (a picture that tayler took at my last show, but paul added the words and the pentagrams) and thanks to my friends for listening to my demos and coming to my shows. and thank you for listening...

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all rights reserved

about

Seethruskin Charleston, West Virginia

anarcho-folk/
sad-punk named after a jawbreaker song.

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Track Name: The Freezers
MY HEAD HANGS HEAVY WITH OR WITHOUT YOUR GOD
WITH OR WITHOUT YOUR MEDICINE
OR OVERWHELMING MARTYRDOM YOU SEEK
AND I DON'T NEED YOUR FUCKING BIBLE
AND I DON'T NEED YOUR FUCKING HELP
I DON'T EVEN NEED ANYTHING FROM YOU

Forge my ambitions in the skin
Annihilate any chance I had of remembering my life before I began
To read and write like all my heroes
But they only existed on paper,
What a ridiculous waste of effort
My mental economy can't take it

Cut my initials in the dirt
With a pocket knife, made out of bones and tape and plywood
Keep small talk to a minimum
I don't much feel like talking, words become drops in a waterfall
I'm an open book with words I stole
I wasn't ever an ocean, but I knew the kid who was
I wasn't ever the intrinsic complex of applause
I never wrote you that letter,
I've been an awful son of sons


Swallow my words dry like bitter pills
I encourage others to lead their lives in ways I never will
It wasn't that I was ever lazy
I just was void of empathy
You always knew that didn't you
Eradicate all fucking purpose
I can't afford the weight it puts on my skin, always the coldest
Always the emptily room, cigarette butts eat away my gums
Till I'm a goddamn circus freak
Feed me trash and point and laugh
Enclosure dim, my eyes bloodshot
I said I couldn't imagine life like that when its all I ever bought
Smuggle me in your insides, I'll be cocooned and sound asleep
It's all I've known, it's all I've known, it's all I've ever fuckin known
Track Name: Blake Schwarzenbach, You're My Hero
heads up, theres a shitty guitar solo at the end

I'm biting hard my bitter finger nails
They splash their red into my mouth,
staining my already yellowed teeth
Each phrase, too amplified,
Each praise, air tight concrete
Enough to sink me deep into the pacific, content and sound asleep
All i have left is concentrate
All that I've known is in between a
And any chance of survival, uprooted from the pavement under my feet
Insert the obvious,
Repetitive and stale, souring shit
I am no Holy Ghost, no question asked, no answers left to give

Could there be any other idol you've left to burn?
Could it be that I'm over balanced, awake in a sound?
Am I rewriting history, watching myself through memories
For all I know, I've been dead since I met you

I never got the chance to ask the mountains
I disregarded them, painted them adjectives and aching punch lines
I am the fucking satellite you never knew to orbit
I'm not a goddamn animal, no pictures saved from childhood
I used to think myself an artist
Until I forgot how to speak
Now I'm just lying among the flowers
Insubordinate and incomplete
Authority is out of the question
Surfacing among the brim
Please fucking tell me God is dead
So I don't have to prove myself to him

And whether sleep comes easy or I soak through my sheets
With blood and guts pouring from inside of me
I won't have learned my lesson, I won't have given in
Fuck you and everything Else I can't stand
Track Name: Paint Me! Paint Me! Paint Me!
I FEEL UGLY ON THE INSIDE
I FEEL NERVOUS AND AFRAID
I FEEL MY EYEBALLS TURN TO SEWAGE
MY GUMS LEAK DOWN MY FACE
I AM HER DAUGHTER'S BLACK REFLECTION
THE SENSE OF DREAD, SPIT SHINED REGRET
I HAVEN'T LIVED FOR FORTY YEARS
IN GALLOWS, SHAMELESS
RECOLLECT

What's the point if all I'll know is these same old scares
These haunts convert me into faith,
Fill my tongue with prayers
What's the point if I'll only know ambiguous treason
My rooms a fucking mess,
Getting out of bed would take a reason


Maybe I can go away,
Study medicine and paintings
Become better than they thought I'd be
When I wasn't so bad as I am
Maybe I can slave away
Work my fingers to coal and tendons
Fire up the six string Devils
Show the sorrow beyond my years

I'm not an artist, please don't forgive me
I just gave up when I was much younger than you
I'm not a spectacle
I'm a parasite, glowing, self loathing
Unfriendly arms folded past due

I never thought I'd be a waitress
Until the hunger pains called my bed, in curling knots and teeth
Digging deep into my spine
My rotting Adam's apple met with infected fingers in 4/4 time
It's about time
I built myself up
I got a long long fall from here
It's about time
I brushed dirt off again
Don't ring your fuckin bell till I told you to

I'm eating hand written letters
Sent home from a million miles away
Never taste the same as they used to
Every shade of her lipsticks turned to gray
I'm made up of grenades
Cocktails fit different glasses shapes
Unlike the free world
I used to really be free
UNLIKE THE FREE WORLD
I USED TO REALLY BE FREE
Track Name: Paul Says, "Cool Ghoul"
I needed the winter to wait till I was ready to face the cold again
But it passed me by, keeping consistent my illusions
She ends all conversations I'm glad that you don't hate me
I wanted to say I don't, that I just don't have the energy
I never found the room to breathe
I lived underneath your floors
Creeping quiet, ashamed and weak
Occupying space, relating weeks to wars
They make such beautiful portraits
Ones the likes of which I never knew
But I can't stand to look at them
When every affirmation is the same blue
These blistered hands remind me
I'm so alone I'm so alone
The twisted threads of my skin
Unwind, create dizzy vertigo
I bellowed all complaints, they named constraints I bored into their heads
I'm sorry Madilyn, you're a waste of time, my uncertified unconsciousness

And when piano keys ring deep
And when there's garbage in your head
I'll recognize who I am, but I won't remember your face longer than this
And I'm so sorry for said complexions
These are my table conversations
At what point did I lose touch enough
My eyes, turbines in constant rotation


Pre-ripped tshirts made of pretentious boys and girls
I relate to no one, songs and enclosed spaces
All of the avenue I needed existed in the lines
Painted neon on broken concrete
I gazed on moons and beacons
I laughed along when I was the joke
There were no warning signs to show them,
All that they knew was more so than I
My muscles tighten, complexities unknown to humankind
I betrayed shards of glass, so I expected when they robbed my vision blind
So I'm apologies, appalled appearances and autonomy
A savage cocktail I suppose, but what more could I have asked to keep
I'm made anew by midnights ring
A convalescent journey home
A buried book composed of poems, you would have loved me if I wrote


And when piano keys ring deep
And when there's garbage in your head
I'll recognize who I am, but I won't remember your face longer than this
And I'm so sorry for said complexions
These are my table conversations
At what point did I lose touch enough
My eyes, turbines in constant rotation
Track Name: Live However. Die Anyways.
I WHORE MYSELF
I WHORE MY PAST
I MET MYSELF BEHIND THE GLASS
I GAVE IN TO THE SHAKY NIGHTS
THE BATHROOM FLOORS AND BLURRY EYES
THE SCARES I GOT FOR OVER A DOZEN DECADES

I'm supplemental
Encouraged to divide among atrocity
I got the right six strings the right five fingers
Keepsakes of arms detached from me
I prayed to be otherworldly
I prayed to nobody at all
I called to tell her I wasn't ok,
She said she thought I wouldn't make the fall

I'm dying to breathe, please keep me safe, unsick uncertain
Garbage floods my tongue and face
My eyes are wide behind the curtain
I'm restrained and peaceful
I'm fucked, my face is wet and my feet are numb
Any other day I'd tell my father
But I couldn't fucking reach his phone

I've been a mistake
I've been a brother
I've been a shitty fucking excuse for a friend
But oh, bright eyes, loud spoken
Do you know how I loved
Do you know the way I ached
I spoke your signals in the bathroom mirror nightly
I showed your pictures to the town I never loitered in
I became the papers, drifting through your window, messages pronounced
Never tell me what I've said

I'm easels erased
Cutthroat to sounds of engines turning off
I am the misplaced argument
Never brought back up to leave room for air
I'm no insight, I'm not an indecency
But fuck if I don't feel like one sometimes
Track Name: 17 Year Old Starving Artist Complex
I'M THE SUN!
I'M THE SUN!
PLEASE GOD BELIEVE ME
I CAN'T FIND THE TIME TO DO IT!
I NEED TO PASS THE RESPONSIBILITY!
I'M THE MOON!
I'M THE MOON!
FALL ASLEEP ON MY CHEST!
CARVE INTO CRESCENTS,
I'LL BE MORE BEAUTIFUL I SWEAR!
I'LL FORCE IT IF NEED BE!
I'LL FORCE AN INCOMPLETE!
I DON'T BELIEVE IN FINAL DRAFTS!
JUST LIKE YOU DONT BELIEVE IN ME!
I'M THE SKY!
I'M THE SKY!
I WANNA DIE I WANNA DIE
I'M THE MORNING, WHILE PITCH BLACK
AND I'M IN LOVE!

All I ever wanted was good coffee and good cigarettes
playing acoustic songs with friends
in a bedroom, a basement or a couch on a front porch

I've been having these fantasies of me,
playing a Fender
screaming words I wrote earlier
at another kid who's mad at life
and pissed off at his government

but instead i'm sleeping for fifteen hours
I can't find it in myself to take a goddamn Prozac
I feel these callouses scratching at my face
As i think of how I could make these words paint a picture

Some days I feel like a thief
When my friends all think so high of me
I had a smarter man than me say get used to letting them down
And then he smiled and so did I,
Cuz I knew the likes

Some days I feel just like a martyr
A throne made of tears shed for mischievous daughters
Who lived their nights in fear, one in the same with my type
They weren't anything special, I know the fucking likes

I can puke my stomach inside out on the road
I can follow your orders, make secrets my own
I can eat all I can till there's none left to take
None to hand out to those watched me steal from their plates

I'm already damned downward I know this much true
Cuz I bled from sweaty finger tips and yelled out my fuck you's
Till all I knew was anger, void dishonesty
And I may know the likes but the the likes don't know me
And I may know the likes but the likes don't like me

I can sleep fourteen hours
Wake up, dream to die
Eat, shower, repent, find my bed again, I
Knew just what I could make of my life when I found
It was bleaker than black,
Horse shit found on the ground

I'm not made up of much more than books on a shelf
Ones I hadn't touched in years
Like they'd touched me themselves
I'm no good at innuendo
No good at a lot
Not even playing guitar
All I know is to rot

All I know is to write
All I know is to bleed
All I know is to let down
Everyone who built me
All I know is to fake it till the finally believe
I won't die much too young, but shit I'll fucking dream
I won't die much too young, but fuck please let me dream